As my first cancer check-ups for the year loom ahead, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to live in this post-illness new year.
The one thought that keeps popping into my head is ‘with clarity’. Clarity. It’s the one thing- the only thing- that cancer gave me and left behind that I am thankful for.
I found out that when you are confronted with the very real possibility of a sooner-than-expected-end-of-life, suddenly all you want to do is live. Really live. The noise, froth, monotony and frustrations of daily routines and responsibilities are obliterated into the background the instant you receive a cancer diagnosis.
As your world suddenly shrinks to accommodate the oceans of courage and determination you need to survive, your focus on who, and what, deserves even a moment of your precious time, energy and attention becomes razor sharp.
There is no longer any blur or haze. No desire to continue trying to cross an ocean for those who won’t even jump over a puddle for you. No reason or logic to devote any waking moment to situations, work or experiences that don’t fill your cup with ‘joie-de-vivre’.
Clarity. I have it now. It will be my lighthouse of a word and my compass to help me find my way back to me this year.